The Relationships Lawyers Already Have Could Be Their Biggest Growth Opportunity

By Steve Fretzin and Neal Goldstein

Why lawyers should stop chasing every new opportunity and start investing in the relationships, connections, and business development opportunities already around them.

There is a popular story we like to tell about successful people. They worked harder. They figured it out. They overcame the odds. They pulled themselves up and built something great.

The problem is that almost nobody does it alone.

In this episode of BE THAT LAWYER, I sat down with Neal Goldstein, partner at Goldstein and Bashner, author, speaker, and host of That One Lawyer Podcast. Neal’s career is proof that professional success is rarely a solo journey. He dropped out of high school before eventually becoming an attorney, law firm founder, and successful trial lawyer. Along the way, there were people who saw something in him, gave him opportunities, challenged him, and helped change the direction of his life.

Our conversation reinforced something I have taught lawyers for years: relationships are not simply a business development tactic. They are one of the greatest assets you have. Yet many lawyers spend enormous amounts of energy trying to meet new people while neglecting former clients, referral partners, colleagues, mentors, and friends who already know and trust them.

Sometimes your next great opportunity is not another networking event away. It is already sitting in your contact list.

There Is No Such Thing as a Self Made Lawyer

Neal’s story begins far away from the traditional path to a successful legal career. He dropped out of high school and could easily have continued down a very different road. Instead, someone took an interest in him and helped change his trajectory.

That experience shaped the way Neal thinks about success. We love celebrating the person who made it, but we often forget the people standing behind that person. Someone provided advice. Someone opened a door. Someone made an introduction. Someone offered encouragement when things were not going particularly well.

As Neal describes it, when someone is climbing, there is usually another person who bent down and helped pick up the boots.

I think lawyers should remember that, particularly as they become more successful. Mentors, colleagues, referral sources, clients, friends, and family members all leave fingerprints on our careers. Recognizing that does not diminish what we have accomplished. It reminds us that relationships have always been part of the equation.

The question becomes whether we are still investing in them.

Comfort Can Become a Business Development Risk

One of the most dangerous positions for a lawyer is also one of the most comfortable: having plenty of work without having to develop any of it.

Imagine spending ten years at a law firm where partners continually feed you matters. You are busy. Your hours are strong. Your compensation keeps increasing. From the outside, everything looks fantastic.

Then something changes.

A major client leaves. A partner retires. Leadership changes. The economy slows. Your practice area gets disrupted. The flow of work you assumed would always be there suddenly is not.

If you have spent the previous decade servicing other people’s clients without building your own relationships, you may discover that you have very little to fall back on.

This is why I constantly tell lawyers that business development is about more than money. It is about control, freedom, and independence. A book of business gives you choices. It creates leverage inside a firm and portability outside of one.

The danger is not always failure. Sometimes the bigger danger is becoming so comfortable that you never prepare for change.

The Billable Hour Can Hide the Need to Build a Book

The legal profession has created an interesting system. Young lawyers go to law school, enter firms, receive assignments, bill their time, and become increasingly skilled at practicing law. The better they become, the more work they may receive.

That can create the illusion that becoming an excellent lawyer is the entire career plan.

It is not.

Being technically excellent is essential, but lawyers who want greater control over their careers eventually need to understand how business comes through the door. That means learning how to build relationships, maintain visibility, develop referral sources, communicate value, and create opportunities.

Neal and I discussed what he calls the “law school industrial complex” and how little traditional legal education prepares lawyers for the business realities of the profession. Lawyers can spend years learning how to analyze cases and advocate for clients while receiving almost no meaningful education about how to attract those clients in the first place.

That is why business development should not begin when a lawyer suddenly needs business. The best time to build relationships is while things are going well.

Your Best Business Development Opportunities May Already Know You

Lawyers often assume growth requires finding more people. More networking events. More LinkedIn connections. More conferences. More prospects.

Before doing any of that, I would suggest looking backward.

Who has already hired you?

Who has referred you business?

Who has worked across the table from you and respected how you handled yourself?

Who used to send you matters but has gone quiet?

Who knows, likes, and trusts you but has not heard from you in two years?

Many law firms are sitting on hundreds or even thousands of relationships they have barely touched since the matter ended. These are people who have already experienced the firm’s work and may already have a positive impression of the attorneys involved.

That is not simply history. It is an overlooked business development asset.

A past client may have another legal issue. They may have changed companies. They may know another executive who needs help. A former referral source may have simply stopped referring because the relationship faded.

You do not always need a new audience. Sometimes you need to reconnect with the audience you already earned.

A Cup of Coffee May Be Your Highest ROI Marketing Activity

Legal marketing can become expensive very quickly. Websites, SEO, advertising, sponsorships, conferences, content production, technology, and consultants can all play valuable roles, but lawyers sometimes overlook one of the least expensive business development tools available.

A cup of coffee.

Neal makes the point beautifully: you can have a four star conversation in a one star restaurant.

The quality of the restaurant has almost nothing to do with the value of the relationship. What matters is whether you are spending meaningful time with someone who knows you, trusts you, and may have a reason to remain connected.

Think about the economics. Meeting a former client or referral partner for coffee might cost you $10 and an hour of your time. That conversation could reopen a relationship that generates business or introductions for years.

That does not mean every coffee meeting will produce revenue, nor should it. If every conversation becomes a disguised sales pitch, people will eventually stop accepting your invitations.

The purpose is to stay connected, understand what is happening in the other person’s world, look for ways to help, and remain relevant to one another.

That is Sales-Free Selling in its simplest form.

Former Clients Are More Than Closed Files

One of the greatest missed opportunities I see in law firms is the treatment of a closed matter as the end of the relationship.

The case closes. The invoice gets paid. The file gets archived. Everyone moves on.

Why?

If someone trusted you with an important legal issue and had a positive experience, that person may be one of the most valuable relationships in your network. Yet many firms have no consistent system for staying in touch with former clients.

Consider what could happen if lawyers simply developed a thoughtful former client relationship strategy. You could check in periodically, share something genuinely useful, invite them to an event, congratulate them on professional developments, ask how their business has changed, or simply meet for coffee.

This should not become a robotic CRM campaign where every former client receives a generic message asking for business. The objective is to preserve the human relationship after the legal work ends.

Happy former clients can become repeat clients, advocates, referral sources, strategic connectors, and sometimes friends. But that only happens if the relationship survives the closing of the file.

Not Every Relationship Deserves Equal Time

As careers progress, time becomes more valuable. You cannot maintain meaningful relationships with everyone you have ever met.

That means becoming more intentional.

Neal and I discussed how the relationships we choose to invest in can change as we get older. Early in a career, there may be value in meeting broadly, exploring opportunities, and discovering where you fit. Over time, patterns begin to emerge.

Certain people energize you. Some relationships consistently create opportunities for both sides. Some people share your values. Others drain your time without creating much personal or professional value.

Being relationship driven does not mean saying yes to everyone.

It means identifying the people who genuinely matter and making sure those relationships do not disappear simply because everyone became busy.

For lawyers, this is an important business development discipline. Your network does not become stronger because it gets bigger. It becomes stronger because the right relationships get deeper.

AI Makes Genuine Human Connection More Valuable

Technology has made it easier than ever to communicate without actually connecting.

We can send an email in seconds. AI can draft it. LinkedIn can remind us about someone’s birthday or promotion. A CRM can schedule automated follow-ups. Video calls eliminate travel. Social media lets us maintain awareness of hundreds or thousands of people.

All of that is useful.

But convenience is not the same thing as connection.

Neal’s perspective is particularly relevant as AI becomes increasingly embedded in legal services and professional communication. Technology does not make human relationships less important. In some ways, it makes them more valuable because genuine interaction becomes increasingly rare.

If everyone can generate a polished email, the email itself becomes less meaningful. If everyone can produce content, simply producing content becomes less differentiating. If every interaction can be automated, the moments that clearly are not automated begin to stand out.

A thoughtful phone call matters.

A personal introduction matters.

Remembering something important about someone’s life matters.

Sitting across from another person and giving them your undivided attention matters.

Technology can make us more efficient. It should not make us less human.

As Neal says, “I don’t think technology makes genuine relationships less important. I just think it makes them more valuable.”

Find Your Lane Instead of Chasing the Title

Another theme from Neal’s story is the importance of finding your own lane.

Lawyers enter the profession surrounded by signals about what success is supposed to look like. Make partner. Become an equity partner. Build a bigger firm. Get the corner office. Lead the department. Earn the title.

There is nothing wrong with any of those goals, but they are not automatically the right goals for every lawyer.

Your lane may take time to reveal itself.

You may discover that you are exceptional at developing business. You may love trying cases but hate managing people. You may thrive as a solo. You may prefer building a boutique practice. You may become a great leader, teacher, connector, speaker, author, or rainmaker.

The title on the door matters far less than whether the career behind that door fits the life you want.

One way to identify your lane is to pay attention to where your best results naturally come from. Which relationships generate opportunities? Which activities give you energy? What kind of work do clients repeatedly seek you out for? What do people ask you for help with?

Those patterns are information.

Your career does not need to look like somebody else’s version of success.

Relationship Building Should Be a Way of Life

Lawyers sometimes approach networking like a campaign. They need business, so they start scheduling meetings. They attend events. They ask for introductions. They reconnect with old contacts.

Then business gets busy again and they stop.

That is exactly backward.

Relationships work best when they are maintained before you need something. If the only time someone hears from you is when your pipeline is empty, the interaction can feel transactional even if that is not your intention.

The better approach is to make connection part of how you operate professionally. Schedule a few meaningful conversations every week. Check in with past clients. Introduce people who should know each other. Congratulate someone when something good happens. Share information because it is useful, not because you expect something immediately in return.

Over time, these behaviors compound.

The result is not merely a larger network. It is a network of people who actually know you, trust you, remember you, and understand how you can help.

That is where business development becomes much more natural.

Key Takeaways

• No successful legal career is entirely self made. Mentors, clients, colleagues, family members, referral sources, and other relationships contribute to professional growth.
• Comfort can become a career risk when lawyers depend entirely on work generated by other people and never build relationships of their own.
• Lawyers should develop business development skills before they urgently need new business.
• Former clients and existing referral partners can represent some of the highest value and lowest cost business development opportunities available.
• A simple coffee meeting with someone who already knows and trusts you can have a higher return than many expensive marketing activities.
• Closed matters should not automatically become closed relationships. Former clients can become repeat clients, referral sources, advocates, and connectors.
• Lawyers should invest more deeply in the relationships that align with their values, goals, and long term direction rather than trying to maintain every contact equally.
• AI and digital communication increase efficiency, but genuine human interaction can become more distinctive as automated communication becomes more common.
• Finding the right career lane requires paying attention to where your results, strengths, relationships, and energy naturally converge.
• Relationship based business development works best when connection becomes an ongoing habit rather than an activity lawyers begin only when they need work.

A Quote to Remember

“I don’t think technology makes genuine relationships less important. I just think it makes them more valuable.” — Neal Goldstein

Frequently Asked Questions About Relationship Based Business Development for Lawyers

How can lawyers build a book of business through relationships?

Lawyers can build a book of business by consistently developing relationships with clients, former clients, referral partners, colleagues, industry professionals, and other people who serve similar audiences. The focus should be on staying connected, understanding other people’s needs, providing value, and remaining visible rather than immediately asking for business.

What is the easiest place for a lawyer to start business development?

A strong starting point is often the lawyer’s existing network. Past clients, former colleagues, referral partners, professional contacts, classmates, and people who already know and trust the lawyer can offer a warmer path to conversations than starting entirely from scratch.

How can lawyers reconnect with former clients?

Start personally rather than promotionally. Reach out to see how they are doing, ask what has changed in their business or life, share something relevant, or invite them to coffee. The objective should be to renew the relationship rather than immediately ask whether they have more legal work.

Why are past clients valuable for law firm growth?

Past clients already understand how a lawyer works and, when the experience was positive, have an established level of trust. They may need additional legal services, move to new companies, recommend the lawyer to others, or introduce the attorney to people facing similar legal issues.

How often should lawyers stay in touch with referral sources?

There is no single frequency that works for every relationship. High value referral relationships generally deserve regular, personalized contact rather than an occasional generic email. The appropriate cadence depends on the strength of the relationship, mutual opportunity, and how naturally the parties can provide value to one another.

Do lawyers still need face to face networking in the age of AI?

Digital tools and AI can make communication more efficient, but they do not replace trust. In an environment where more communication can be generated and automated, personal conversations, thoughtful introductions, phone calls, and face to face meetings can become important ways to deepen professional relationships.

Is networking just about getting referrals?

No. Effective networking can create introductions, information, friendships, mentorship, strategic partnerships, professional opportunities, and business. Treating every relationship purely as a potential referral source can make networking transactional and undermine the trust that makes relationships valuable.

How should busy lawyers decide which relationships deserve their time?

Lawyers should consider the strength of the relationship, shared values, mutual opportunity, professional relevance, personal enjoyment, and whether both sides contribute to the relationship. A smaller number of strong relationships can often be more valuable than a massive network of weak contacts.

When should lawyers start developing business?

Ideally, lawyers should begin developing relationship and business development skills well before they are expected to originate significant revenue. Building a network and reputation takes time, so waiting until business is urgently needed puts unnecessary pressure on the process.

How can lawyers find the right business development strategy?

Pay attention to where results already occur. Some lawyers excel at strategic networking, others through content, speaking, industry involvement, client expansion, or referral partnerships. The strongest strategy is usually one that aligns the lawyer’s strengths with the people most likely to hire or refer them and can be executed consistently over time.

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About Neal Goldstein

Neal A. Goldstein is a partner at Goldstein and Bashner, author, speaker, and host of That One Lawyer Podcast. With nearly four decades of personal injury trial experience, he specializes in high stakes injury advocacy while teaching attorneys and business leaders how to build authentic, relationship driven growth.

Neal’s personal and professional journey gives him a distinctive perspective on success, mentorship, resilience, and relationships. His philosophy centers on recognizing the people who contribute to our success and building careers around authentic human connection rather than titles alone.

Connect with Neal Goldstein

Website: https://www.eglaw.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nealagoldsteinlaw/

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LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stevefretzin/
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Website: https://BETHATLAWYER.com/
Email: [email protected]
Books: https://www.fretzin.com/about/books/
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Call Steve directly: 847-602-6911

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